Our beliefs about love can be limited – how we’ll find it, who is “right” for us, and how we should function when we do actually find it. Being open to love and all that comes with it can often shift the way we think about things.
Many of my clients are stuck in old relationship patterns that no longer serve them. The first step I always suggest is to look at what’s not working anymore. We usually pick up beliefs about love from our parents or other adult influences; maybe these beliefs worked for them, but they aren’t serving us properly in our lives.
Equally important is to be open and willing to clear all the old energy you’ve been carrying around. It’s not always easy, but it is totally and completely worth the work.
That said, here are five ways to make sure you are open to giving and receiving love:
1. Ditch past expectations, requirements and agendas
Don’t focus on what you “thought” you were looking for or who you “thought” you were marrying because it might just keep you from seeing the awesomeness of what’s right in front of you. Have you been dreaming of a dark-haired, blue-eyed, knight to rescue you since you were 11-years old? Are you still 11? Do you even like dark hair anymore?
Focus on finding a relationship that makes you feel wonderful, and stop focusing on what that relationship looks like. Love comes in all shapes, sizes and forms; it’s definitely not created equally. Be true to yourself including how you look, how you think, and definitely be whoever you are without altering your hopes and dreams to fit another person’s mold. A healthy relationship does not consist of specific character traits of two partners. It is an energy, a feeling. When you have it, you know it. If you’re not sure, you’re not there yet.
2. Believe anything could be a ‘Universal fix-up’ in disguise
I met my wife in a hospital in a third world country. Learn to see all events, family functions and business meetings as an opportunity to meet your true love. Anything could be a Universal blind date. Seeing things this way will not only open you up to the possibility of finding love, but make every event you go to a little bit more interesting!
3. Embrace differences as growth opportunities
Don’t only seek out or accept those who have the same political, social and relationship views as you do. Starting off with differing opinion provides an instant bonding opportunity. Relationships must evolve or you’ll get bored to pieces. If you don’t start off in the same corner, there will be lots of fun conversation and room to “meet in the middle.” If you are resistant to differences, that’s often about fear. What are you afraid of? Find it, release it, and get ready to feel love take its place.
4. Let people love you, their way
People don’t always love you in the way you want them to, but in the way they know how. You don’t get to choose. We all have different abilities and capacities, and we carry our own emotional baggage that gets in the way. We spend our lives trying to muddle through that and still love and be loved in the best ways we know how. The more you come to peaceful terms with that, the more awesome your love life will be.
5. Stop believing the world revolves around you
When we take things personally, we strain our relationships. Every time your spouse is upset, it’s not because you suck. It’s most likely because they think they do in some way (remember, they believe the world revolves around them too.) We all like to think we’re the center of another’s Universe, but it doesn’t help anyone when we hold that belief. How can we be supportive to another person when it’s all about us? Stop for a minute when you get angry, defensive or agitated and decide to make a choice: You won’t allow this to be all about you.
Give these pointers a try. You’ll create the ability to love yourself and your partner more than you ever could imagine.
Photo by Bruno Cordioli